I think i have Schizohrenia, and i don’t know what’s real or not, really scared..?
Sea Asked: I think i have Schizohrenia, and i don’t know what’s real or not, really scared..?
Hello, my name is Sophie and i'm 18 years old, I have been dealing with an unstable mind every since i was 5. It's been progressively getting worse. I was doing my research on bipolar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia and i'm more then 100% sure that i have it. If you can bear with me, i'll tell you some of my symptoms that i've been suffering with for a while now.
I have popcorn ceilings on my ceiling and i clog it up with random objects because i keep thinking the people upstairs is watching me.
I promised myself to take the shower head with me when i move out because i feel like someone put a small film or camera in it and will later take it and watch me shower.
Every time i go into the public, I get so angry because i feel like everyone is giving my unnecessary looks.
I hate crossing the streets because all eyes are always on me.
I hate socializing with people even more now.
Everyone always talks about me and how i look.
Every time i go into a restaurant, I think they put some kind of poison into my food and it really worries me.
I have a really hard time feeling emotion and attachments for things and people such as my parents, sister, sister's baby, my dogs, everything.
I hate being around my parents, even when they can be really good people.
I have an abusive problem.
I have had a perverted mind since i was 4.
(Yes i was sexually abused and beaten in my early years)
Sometimes i have this weird episode that goes off in my head, where everything feel odd. It's a very uneasy feeling and my eyes start to fog, my heart starts to beat because everything feels fake. I feel like i'm trapped in a dream.
Sometimes when i'm texting someone i always hear someone behind me but there is no one.
I feel like i'm always watched by my husband.
I wear an engagement ring on my finger but i have no significant other, but my mind sometimes makes me believe that i truly do, he's just off at war.
I have a best friend, and we've been friends for 3 years now and recently moved in until i graduate high school and we plan to go to college together and she has that exact same symptoms.
From beyond here, it is up to you what you want to believe or not believe. It's very strange but me and her have a weird brain frequency, it's very similar almost identical.
My brother even gets freaked out sometimes that we think the same and say sentences the same.
I feel her pain and she feels my pain. Sometimes when i am thinking of something to say she says it before me and she tells me that she knew i was going to say it. Once, i kept reading her mind over and over again, she says that it truly shocks her and she's scared that i'm not real. I know that this is hard to believe because "mind-reading" is fiction. I find it really shocking also. The things we say and do and think, they're all the same and what scares me even more is that it's at the exact same time. My brothers sometimes talks to her on the phone and he freaks out because we say the exact same thing at the exact same time.
I know that she's real, but i sometimes doubt that she is. What if she's just my imagination? She looks so real, and she's tangible. Is it even possible for your mind to make up something so real? No right? I'm also scared that i'm not where i really think i am, i also sometimes think that i'm not my age but that i'm a lot older and in a mental institute. I am able to snap out of things fast but when i'm caught up in everything, it becomes very overwhelming.
I feel like a monster sometimes but i have problems holding babies or puppies because sometimes, something in my mind tells me to drop them off the building and it really scares me.
I am also a christian and i am scared of one day killing myself and going to hell. Did God made me this way? Can i ever fix it without medications? I somehow think that it is poison fro mt he doctors. I'm scared, and i hope that none of this is fake. I want my best friend to be real, that's all i want but sometimes i don't know if she is or not.
Sorry for leaving this out, i confronted my parents numerous times that i think i may need counseling, i told them everything but my mom becomes belligerent and my dad thinks i'm stupid and crazy for thinking such a thing. Are they that oblivious? Or is it just my head playing tricks on me?
First of all, you are real. You wrote this, and I am answering it. I am real as well. Don't worry about it, that is the question that a lot of people ask themselves about…
And now, to answer your question. From the things you described, it doesn't have to be schizophrenia. There are people who are paranoid, but not schizophrenic. You said you were abused as a kid (and I am sorry because of that, I hope you are not abused now), in my opinion that could be a reason for your current behavior. (paranoia, wish to drop the babies, etc.). So, I think you should talk to someone to whom you trust. Someone who is your friend, or a psychologist. It is way better to talk to someone sooner. If your parents doesn't take you seriously, don't mind them. You should talk to someone who will understand you and who is ready to listen to you. If you go and talk to a psychologist, it doesn't mean that you're crazy. A lot of people have problems in their lives that are their burdens, making them sad, angry, antisocial, etc, and they need someone to whom they can talk about it. A psychologist is a best person for that, because he will know exactly how to trigger good things in your brain and make you see things from different perspective. So, you will not necessarily need medications, just someone to talk to. With your thoughts right now, you will only go around in a circle. But a good psychologist will know how to get you out of that circle and you will be surprised when you start thinking differently.
Reading mind is not paranormal, because when two persons, especially brothers and sisters, know each other well, and live under similar circumstances, they can have similar thoughts and easily guess it.
And one more thing. The fact that you are seeing your problem means that you are definitely not crazy. Crazy people usually do not see that something is wrong. You see that your mind is somewhat bothering you, which means that you will be OK, if you go and talk to somebody. Do not worry. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. Even though it may not seem like that to you right now, you can easily regain your balance if you go and talk to a doctor.
My mother-in-law is paranoid schizophrenic. Also bipolar. She also has a problem with alcohol, which is never helpful. She sometimes asks for help, and when people try to help her, she gets nervous and decides she doesn't want them in her business. She sometimes sleeps with a heavy rubber pond liner on top of her so the neighbors can't zap her with electricity. She unplugs everything before she goes to bed. She has accused people of poisoning her door handle with lsd. She constantly believes her phone is tapped.My advice to you is get help from a doctor. They only want to help you and can give you medication, and there is nothing wrong with that. Stay away from alcohol and drugs not prescribed by a doctor, because they will only make things 100 times worse.